{"id":280,"date":"2001-01-31T21:26:08","date_gmt":"2001-01-31T11:26:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/?p=280"},"modified":"2009-05-30T21:28:10","modified_gmt":"2009-05-30T11:28:10","slug":"the-lisa-house-rules","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/?p=280","title":{"rendered":"The Lisa House Rules"},"content":{"rendered":"

Lisa, don’t stress.\u00a0 Presented for the benefit of the FAT website readers attending the party on Saturday, here is her list of twenty rules to obey.\u00a0 If you misbehave, Tom the Bouncer will nut-slap you in his spandex and throw you out the house.<\/p>\n

So here we go:<\/p>\n

Lisa’s House Party Rules<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Don’t drink too much<\/li>\n
  2. Don’t do drugs<\/li>\n
  3. Don’t pee on the couch<\/li>\n
  4. Don’t have sex in the house<\/li>\n
  5. Don’t try to have sex with my sister (in the house)<\/li>\n
  6. Don’t steal my underwear<\/li>\n
  7. Don’t ask me where my beaver is<\/li>\n
  8. Don’t shave the dog<\/li>\n
  9. Don’t complain about the rats brushing against your legs<\/li>\n
  10. Don’t stare at me when talking to my breasts<\/li>\n
  11. Don’t copy my coursework notes<\/li>\n
  12. Don’t poke the bouncer’s soft pinky squishy belly<\/li>\n
  13. Don’t buy me plastic novelty poo for my birthday present<\/li>\n
  14. Don’t make fun of the frightened intimidated sober people<\/li>\n
  15. Don’t steal the wallets of the drunk semi-conscious people<\/li>\n
  16. Don’t steal my porn<\/li>\n
  17. Don’t steal my double A batteries<\/li>\n
  18. Don’t try to have sex with my mom (in the house)<\/li>\n
  19. Have fun!<\/li>\n
  20. Get the fuck out of the house by midnight<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Follow these rules and you won’t get hurt.\u00a0 Get it?<\/p>\n

    Before I go, Dan asked me to plug a couple of new songs that he’s made.\u00a0 So here you go, download these babies here:<\/p>\n

    Balamb Garden Remix (From Final Fantasy VIII): http:\/\/netjunk.com\/users\/discofrog\/bgarden.it<\/a><\/p>\n

    Synthetic Fantasy (Angry Scots Remix) http:\/\/netjunk.com\/users\/discofrog\/scots.it<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Lisa, don’t stress.\u00a0 Presented for the benefit of the FAT website readers attending the party on Saturday, here is her list of twenty rules to obey.\u00a0 If you misbehave, Tom the Bouncer will nut-slap you in his spandex and throw you out the house. So here we go: Lisa’s House Party Rules Don’t drink too …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[138,137],"class_list":["post-280","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-discofrog","tag-lisa-mitchell"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/280","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=280"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/280\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":281,"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/280\/revisions\/281"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=280"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=280"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=280"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}