9.00 AM – Wake up.\u00a0 It’s absolutely pissing down with rain.<\/p>\n
9.45 AM – Phone Chloe and ask if she is coming to Goodview Hotel for New Years.\u00a0 She says ‘maybe’.\u00a0 That obviously means ‘no, fuck off’.\u00a0 Damn.\u00a0 Damn.\u00a0 Damn.\u00a0 Damn.<\/p>\n
10.00 AM\u00a0 Put pants on.<\/p>\n
11.00 AM\u00a0 Mike and Matt arrive.\u00a0 Play Virtua Tennis on Dreamcast and start physically fighting.\u00a0 I have to restrain Matt who is screaming ‘Bring It On’ at Mike.\u00a0 Sigh.<\/p>\n
11.30 AM\u00a0 Laura Mitchell not coming either.\u00a0 Hmm.\u00a0 The numbers seem to be dwindling.<\/p>\n
12.00 PM\u00a0 Go to Gadong.\u00a0 Still pissing down with rain.\u00a0 Buy food in supermarket.\u00a0 Mike suggests we get condoms.\u00a0 We eventually find some in the store, locked in glass case.\u00a0 We ask a shop clerk to assist us and he goes to the Condom Key Vault, enters in the 12 digit PIN number and returns with the key, and gives us the condom.\u00a0 The woman at the checkout seems to have half her face burnt off.\u00a0 Gross.<\/p>\n
12.46 PM\u00a0 Find The Gift on VCD.\u00a0 The three of us gibber ‘Katie Holmes Topless!’ for 5 minutes before realizing what absolute berks we must look like.\u00a0 Buy The Gift and Bambi on VCD.\u00a0 And some karaoke CDs.<\/p>\n
2.00 PM\u00a0 Go home.\u00a0 Pack.\u00a0 Play Virtua Tennis.\u00a0 Matt is worried that Lauren won’t come to the New Years party.<\/p>\n
4.00 PM\u00a0 Go to the Goodview hotel.\u00a0 Set up adjoining rooms for party.\u00a0 Matt is worried that Lauren won’t come.\u00a0 Mike is worried someone will steal his porn.<\/p>\n
5.00 PM\u00a0 Sophie, Dian, Kate and Annie arrive.<\/p>\n
5.30 PM\u00a0 We sit around drinking Coca Cola.\u00a0 Matt is devastated to learn Lauren isn’t coming.\u00a0 No bottle opener for booze.\u00a0 Smelly.<\/p>\n
6.00 PM\u00a0 Rod arrives.\u00a0 He has bottle opener.\u00a0 Stefanus arrives shortly after.<\/p>\n
6.30 PM\u00a0 Start drinking.\u00a0 Watch muted Bambi and listen to Apollo 440.\u00a0 Bambi CD keeps fucking up so we watch Japanese She-Man Professional Wrestling.<\/p>\n
7.00 PM\u00a0 New Zealand New Year.\u00a0 Kate and I shout loudly and annoy everyone else who is drinking their alcohol quietly and politely.<\/p>\n
7.20 PM\u00a0 Bring out the karaoke.\u00a0 Only me, Kate and Matt seem to be singing.\u00a0 Everyone else has moved to the other room to smoke and talk quietly.<\/p>\n
7.30 PM\u00a0 Adi, Oliver, Dan and some guy with glasses show up.\u00a0 Fed up with our karaoke and generally noisy antics, everyone leaves to go to the party at the Holiday Lodge leaving only me, Kate, Dian, Mike and guy with glasses.<\/p>\n
7.50 PM\u00a0 Guy with glasses buys us pizza.<\/p>\n
8.00 PM\u00a0 Tired. Try to sleep.\u00a0 Dian keeps slapping me in the face!<\/p>\n
8.30 PM\u00a0 Everyone comes back from Holiday Lodge.\u00a0 Apparently it sucked ass.\u00a0 Mike farts.\u00a0 Matt looks depressed.\u00a0 Dian occasionally slaps me and suggests I should make out with Kate.<\/p>\n
9.10 PM\u00a0 Dian and Kate start making out.\u00a0 Fucking hell.<\/p>\n
9.30 PM\u00a0 Kate says she’ll make out with ME and not Dian at midnight.\u00a0 That’ll show her!\u00a0 Dian says she will make out with me also.\u00a0 Then actually kisses me then.\u00a0 Some what surprised, I sit there like a stunned mullet and don’t do anything.<\/p>\n
9.50 PM\u00a0 Drink, drink, drink.<\/p>\n
10.00 PM\u00a0 Watch porn on TV.\u00a0 Man has 16 inch penis!\u00a0 Woman has absolutely filthy sloppy floppy saggy breasts!\u00a0 Too drunk and disgusted to be aroused.<\/p>\n
10.30 PM\u00a0 Dian and Kate make out again.\u00a0 What the hell?\u00a0 Guy With Glasses try to take a photo but he is retarded and can’t seem to do so.<\/p>\n
11.00 PM\u00a0 One hour to go.<\/p>\n
11.53 PM\u00a0 Unsuccesfully try and lock Guy With Glasses in the corridor for New Year.<\/p>\n
12.00 AM\u00a0 New Year!\u00a0 Kiss, hug assorted people in the room.<\/p>\n
12.20 AM\u00a0 Start watching The Gift.\u00a0 We see Katie Holmes breast when they fish her mangled corpse out the lake.\u00a0 Wasn’t as sexy as I had hoped.\u00a0 Actually, it wasn’t really sexy at all.\u00a0 Dian is asleep.\u00a0 She drunk.<\/p>\n
1.00 AM\u00a0 Me, Kate and Matt go get Ice Milo in the shop down the road.\u00a0 Sit in stairwell and discuss relationships.<\/p>\n
1.20 AM\u00a0 Oliver and Adi leave.\u00a0 Oliver is glaring malevolently at us as he walks down the stairs muttering something about God.\u00a0 Goodness.<\/p>\n
1.30 AM\u00a0 I get in to bed with Kate thinking this could be a very good plan.\u00a0 I wait politely for Rod and Annie to leave the room once they finish talking about American Presidents.<\/p>\n
5.00 AM\u00a0 Rod and Annie finishing talking about American Presidents and the Electoral College.\u00a0 But they stay and we all watch porn.\u00a0 I’m still hopeful.<\/p>\n
5.10 AM\u00a0 Sophie blows smoke rings.<\/p>\n
5.20 AM\u00a0 Eat Chupa Chups.\u00a0 Sophie declares her new exclusively Apple Flavored Chupa Chups diet.\u00a0 Not exactly sure what she is talking about.<\/p>\n
5.30 AM\u00a0 I’m starting to think this thing with Kate is not going to happen.\u00a0 I’m fucking tired and Rod and Annie are now talking about Men That Take Advantage of Younger Girls.<\/p>\n
6.00 AM\u00a0 Everyone finally leaves the room to go to the one next door.\u00a0 Except for Dan who is going to sleep.\u00a0 This is it!<\/p>\n
6.01 AM\u00a0 Ask Kate if she’s in the mood.\u00a0 She says no.<\/p>\n
6.02 AM\u00a0 Ask Kate if she’s in the mood.\u00a0 She says no.<\/p>\n
6.15 AM\u00a0 Go to sleep.<\/p>\n
8.30 AM\u00a0 Wake up.\u00a0 Prank call Rod, Sophie, Dian and Annie for no good reason.<\/p>\n
10.30 AM\u00a0 Breakfast.<\/p>\n
11.00 AM\u00a0 Leave.<\/p>\n
So what did you do for New Year?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
9.00 AM – Wake up.\u00a0 It’s absolutely pissing down with rain. 9.45 AM – Phone Chloe and ask if she is coming to Goodview Hotel for New Years.\u00a0 She says ‘maybe’.\u00a0 That obviously means ‘no, fuck off’.\u00a0 Damn.\u00a0 Damn.\u00a0 Damn.\u00a0 Damn. 10.00 AM\u00a0 Put pants on. 11.00 AM\u00a0 Mike and Matt arrive.\u00a0 Play Virtua Tennis …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":14589,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[208,214,216,177,215,211,217],"class_list":["post-595","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","tag-dreamcast","tag-goodview-hotel","tag-guy-with-glasses","tag-hotel-party","tag-katie-holmes-topless","tag-new-years","tag-rod-and-annie"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/595","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=595"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/595\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":596,"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/595\/revisions\/596"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/14589"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=595"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=595"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thefatwebsite.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=595"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}