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Everybody be cool. You…be cool

– warning: this is a long ass, pissey, moaney rant, so if you are in a good mood, don’t read it. –

I can’t get my shit together. I don’t know why, I just can’t fucking sort myself out. I have so much shit going on right now, and somehow I can’t make any of it work. Lets work through the list…

1) I am unemployed. I have been since december. I must have applied to 20 jobs since I have been back, and not been offered one goddam job. I don’t know whether to blame the economy, my pissey resume, my lack of experience or my ugly face, but for whatever reason, I can’t get myself a job. It’s really starting to depress me, because I am completely flat broke, and have been for about a month.

2) Family Issues. My stepdad hates me with I passion I havent seen since the last Rangers vs Celtic game. Ever since I went back to the UK without his blessing, I have been living this kind of pseudo-boy scout life. I am under constant review, and everytime I don’t match up to standard, he tells me that I am not going to be allowed to stay in the house if I don’t get my act together. He wants to stay home 90% of the time, and work around the house.
It’s not even like he tells me what to do and I do it, because that I could deal with. Instead, I am supposed to offer my help at every possible interval. Sorry, but if I don’t want to do something, I am not going to offer to do it unless you tell me to.
So yeah, he had a big old rant at me today, because I have done very little this weekend apart from sleep a lot. And yet again, he threatened to throw me out of the house if I didn’t jack my shit together.

3) I am failing college. In my apathetical state I have somehow gotten into, I have started skipping more and more classes. I went to 2 hours worth of classes last week, out of a total of 9. I just don’t get up in the morning and sleep right through when I have to go to class. I have never been a class skipper before. I am managing to hold onto my grades in English, but unless I really do well on the next two exams for math, I am going to fail. I am currently not at a passing grade.

4) I don’t have a girlfriend. I havent had one in 6 months. Sure I have had the odd fling or one night stand, but any girl I have ever dated will tell you that I need a lot more than that. And everyday I see beautiful women walking around campus, and wonder how the hell one goes about talking to them without sounding like a complete asscheese, or without sounding like the only reason I am talking to them is because they are absolutely stunning….

I don’t know, I just can’t seem to sort myself out. I think I need a holiday. I don’t know what my stepdad’s issue is. I mean, sometimes I just want to sit at home all day, and watch bad daytime movies with Meg Ryan in them, and sit in my room and play endless Oasis on my guitar. I want to sit in front of the computer and do nothing but download as much porn as my bandwidth can handle, and chat with people I havent seen in 3 years. I want to walk into the kitchen and drink orange juice straight from the box and eat slices of cheese. I want to read magazines and listen to Counting Crows. I want my buddies to come around and pick me up, and we go out and drink the cheapest beer we can buy until we are sick, then come home at 4am, crawl into my bed reeking of beer and cigarettes and not waking up till 2pm. I want to not really ever get dressed all day, or comb my hair, or have a shave. I want to cook bacon in my underwear. I want to be a student slob.

Feel free to leave comments, abuse or suggestions to the post, coz I am this far from insanity.

About Sam

Sam currently lives in St. Thomas in the Caribbean where he drinks too much rum and is conveniently ignoring becoming an adult.

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