So i’m shacked up late in the library, not unusual this late in term. I was browsing through the archives again, and i read what i wrote this time last year. I must have been on Pro Plus or something. Since i got back from spending a few days at my sister’s house, i’ve been busy doing…stuff. I bought a book that’ll help me with my dissertation, i bought a couple of new cd’s ( Damien Rice and Andy C) and oh yes, i bought a new bed. Curse the day online shopping became possible. I was browsing through stuff, getting side tracked as usual, and i thought…fuck it. I want a double bed. So i got one. And then i was like. I want some new tunes. So i got some. I justify all this spending because 1) trusty old overdraft came to the rescue and 2) its my birthday soon. And besides…i did get a book for educational purposes and all.
Speaking of birthdays, its my 21st in three weeks. I feel like i’m under some enormous pressure to make it a total mash up, seeing as it’s the ultimate landmark birthday and all. But i dont have a clue what to do. I really dont. I could make do with the typical hit a few bars and a club type thing but thats not very original. Is it ridiculous to feel more pressure planning your birthday than when planning your dissertation?
Actually, it’s been a fairly quiet week. I haven’t heard one utterance of “netball caaaaaptain!” or anything. I havent even been to the girl’s house in a while. Since Shannon and I spent the entire day editing yesterday, we had a day off today. I woke up late and i couldn’t get my head around the idea that i had nothing to rush to. So i read my book. I couldn’t deal with this whole not doing anything, so i redecorated my room again, did the laundry, had a shower and made some dinner (sausage roll and chocolate raisins if you must know) Now i sit here writing out a blog and writing out my proposal. I cant pinpoint the moment i had to always be doing something. I dont think i was ever like that in the past. Odd, how things change. This time last year, i was in the middle of my second year, spending all my free time with John, and now…now i’m in the middle of my third year, spending all my time (and i suppose money) on the raz, messing around with Rob, and not spending any time on my own. It was a whole different person last year blogging on the website. Will i be a whole other person this time next year? probably. Scary thought.
I dont think i want to go back this Christmas. I’ve grown tired of being pulled backwards and forwards between here and Brunei. I’m settled where i am. If anything i miss my dad. I just dont know what to do with myself.