For the last week, me and my flatmate Kolitha have been trying to do a bit of detective work trying to guess if a close friend of ours is coming out. The reason being, he just had a failed relationship and he keeps bringing it up like he wants to tell us about it. But it would be embarassing if we got it wrong and he was actually straight. So we’re trying to find GAY STEREOTYPES to see if he actually is gay and if he wants to talk about it.
Here’s the casefile:
– the guy says ‘silly goose’
– has a fluffy bunny in his car
– he hangs out with lots of dudes
– he lives with some guy
– told us he went to some gay bar complete hammered, took someone home, fucked them and then woke up alone having no idea who the person was because they up and left while he was asleep
Last week, Kolitha had been lamenting how badly things were going with his girlfriend and I was lamenting how badly things were going with me even getting a girlfriend and then this friend of ours pitched in about how he too had been hurt recently by the bitter sting of rejection. Only the guy has never mentioned a girlfriend ever. He just lives with some guy. And he plays gender-neutral politics. He says ‘partner’ instead of ‘girlfriend’. He says ‘them’ instead of ‘her’. He’s brought this up a few times now and it seems like he wants to tell us something but can’t quite bring himself to say it. So we were thinking we would do a pre-emptive strike and accuse him of being gay.
Well, accuse is probably the wrong word. I don’t actually know the word or how you ask your friend if he’s gay when he’s not out. Ideally:
“Are you gay?”
But that’s way too fucking hard. So instead we just skirt around the issue trying to find little things about him that are gay and then we’ll compile some sort of dossier that GUARANTEES he is gay just so we’re clear on this and can actually approach him in the confidence that this conversation won’t happen:
“Are you gay?”
Which would be unbearably awkward.
My holidays end today. It didn’t feel like a holiday at all. Worst. Holidays. Ever. Even worse than when I had to babysit the fucking Doyle kids in Kuching. And that’s saying something.
Replies: 4 comments
That’s not suprising. I’m very fetching. The shaved head THUGANOMICS look seals the deal. Word.
Posted by Edo @ 04/27/2003 07:46 PM AST
Maybe he’s harbouring secret feelings for you and doesn’t know how to tell you 😛
Posted by Dee @ 04/27/2003 07:01 PM AST
I’m pretty hopeless and guessing who’s gay and who’s not. I lived with a guy for 3 months and didn’t know he was gay until he told me. If he thinks that I would reject him, what does that say about the type of person I come off as?
Posted by Edo @ 04/27/2003 06:14 PM AST
dude. i think he is gay. there is a guy i work with who seems to be exactly like this guy you’re describing. speaking in gender-neutral politics. except this guy i work with is very out. so i’m pretty sure it’s a safe bet your friend is gay. he probably doesn’t know how to tell you…or thinks you might reject him or something.
Posted by mike @ 04/27/2003 02:27 PM AS