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Dan’s New Year (Perth)

Away from the shores of Brunei I had an opportunity to make this New Year a lot of fun. I think I succeeded.

Woke up at 8.30 am, and decided that it was too early to get up. So I went back to sleep and got up at around 10 am. Hey, I’m on holiday.  After an indeterminable length of time I went to have some lunch. Then went on the computer for three solid hours.

At 7 pm I got ready for the night’s masquarade. I wasn’t going to be wearing a mask, but I kitted myself up in a monk’s outfit, topped with the usual spikey hairdo. At 8 pm we were off.

Arrived around 8.30 pm and started setting up. The punch was served, and my trusty bottle of Southern Comfort was put to good use.

Around 9.30pm, I started to get dizzy. Encouraged, I took this as a sign to drink more alcohol, in more potent concentrations. My Southern Comfort bottle is now half-empty. Past 10 pm, everything is a blur. I become astonishingly witty and start to chat up women, boasting about my sexual exploits. They are especially impressed to learn that I know how to make a woman’s orgasm last for 30 minutes, and that I gave someone five orgasms in a row.

At 11.30 pm the whole group moves to the top of the park tower. Everyone makes remarks on how quickly the year went by, and start asking other people what major event defined the year for them. I answer, “Five times in a row.”

12 Midnight, and the group goes wild. I am the only one yelling the countdown to the new year, but I don’t give a rat’s arse. As people are celebrating I shout unintelligible gibberish very loudly. I notice a girl looking at me strangely.

1:30 am and we’re packing up to leave. I am very enthusiastic, but, in my condition, I am not much use to anyone. I end up carrying a carton full of half-empty bottles.

On the ride home I decide to stay up a little longer and take a lift down to a friend’s house to get more alcohol. Walk to another friend’s house. One of them is asleep, the other two decide to hang out with me and friend (seeing as we brought more alcohol).

The rest of the night was spent playing Jenga in a very inebriated state, and me playing the intro to “Nothing Else Matters” on the accoustic guitar. Which is quite a feat, seeing as I can’t play guitar.

At 3am I finally pass out on the couch.

I was woken up at 8:30 am by my friend’s bloody cat who kept jumping on my head. I swear at the thing and try to go back to sleep. At quarter to nine, I give up and get up. I walk back to the house that I’m staying at in a hungover state.
Happy New Year!

About Dan

Dan lives in Australia and spends too much time on the computer.

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